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Yoga, anyone?

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I’m almost 100 percent sure that I will never understand the hype that surrounds yoga. Ever.

I already know what you want to tell me. I seriously do. You want to explain to me how the painful pretzel that is my body during a yoga class is benefitting my health. You probably want to add in how all the pent up stress accumulated during a hard week is being released as my body curls into a strange (and uncomfortable) position. In all honestly, I don’t agree.

Before I continue, let’s get a few things straight. I actually am pretty flexible. I do not hate on yoga because I absolutely cannot do it (even though I do struggle with some of the poses…). I’m a cheerleader, and I can do the splits, touch my toes, and have my foot touch my head. And I do so with ease. Flexibility isn’t the issue.

The reason I don’t understand yoga is simple. Moving my body in such odd ways doesn’t relax me. Ironically enough, it stresses me out.

I’ve been to a yoga class, and it goes on my list of top ten worst experiences of my life.

I felt embarrassed when I couldn’t hold the pose as long as the other people. I felt weird wearing spandex and contorting my body in a room full of strangers. And I just felt downright frustrated when I couldn’t understand why everyone else loved it so much.

Contrary to popular prediction, I did not give up on my yoga career. When I arrived home after a ruthless day at the gym, I decided that not everyone is good at something the first time they try it. So of course, I went back to yoga class.

Disaster round two is what my friends like to call my second trip to Life Time Fitness’ Fitness Yoga. In short, the session was a mess; I knocked over the instructor’s water bottle, fell on top of the man next to me, and accidently fell asleep during child’s’ pose. Twice.

I know it may seem stupid, but I just don’t understand the happiness that comes with yoga. It makes me self-conscious and stressed, and I find no pleasure in it. That is why I have constructed a list entitled “Top Five Things That Will Help You Relax More Than Yoga”. Enjoy.

1. Go running. It makes for an excellent cardiovascular workout, and on top of that, you don’t look like a fool.

2. Listen to music. Just lay down, put in your headphones, and blast your favorite song. No pretzel positions required.

3. Sleep. When your body needs a little rest and relaxation, crawl under the sheets and close your eyes.

4. Read. What better way to escape the pressures of your own world than enter a new one?

5. Sit. And think about how lucky you are that you are just sitting and not participating in yoga. Trust me, you’ll feel a wave of

calmness wash over you.

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Yoga, anyone?